Some of us ain’t selling dope, like slangin just isn’t going to happen. But we still dream of that thug life. Like we are hard core or something. But let me ask you this. Where are you going to get your supply from? See you don’t know do you? Like at best, you could cook meth. Let me not get into the dangers of that…
Plus, cops hate meth cookers because the cocaine industry hates the competition.
So here’s some alternative ideas that are pretty fucking genius and almost scary if it got into the wrong hands, like organized crime syndicates could take this and run America again, just like “the good ole days before the feds.”
Corporate Assassin
Instead of killing people, we disband and kill corporations and organizations. So many organizations are just one IRS audit away from closing for good. Imagine Alec Baldwin from an 80’s movie. Corporate takeovers.
Ninja Hookers
Hear me out. We start a brothel, but that’s just a front. Deep inside, we have a bunch of highly trained female assassins who will go in deep undercover as dates, escorts, girlfriends, WIVES! and do things like get info / intel, make things look like an accident… say this one slowly but… Sabotage. I feel like the CIA and FBI will be on-going clients, so you really want to partner with a military vet to get veteran preference.
Recreate Vegas in the Ocean
This is probably too big for anyone reading this’s britches but I have to throw it out there because it’s fucking genius. But you get 2 cruise ships, like Carnival Cruise Ships. Like one I would steal in the case of a Zombie Apocalypse. Place one on international waters (or on the donut hole in the Gulf of Mexico). Turn it into a Casino. Sell cocaine legally. Sell hookers. Have them bet on full contact fighting (there’s the real money). Use a fairy boat to get people on and off the cruise ship. Deal only in Bitcoin. Hire computer hackers to be your mercenaries, and then hire mercenaries to be your “police.” Second cruise ship gets traded out for maintenance. The first one should be called ATLANTIS.
Rob a Bank Legally
If you really want to rob banks. I mean you could try to become the Chairperson of the Federal Reserve, the best way to rob a bank, but you start a company selling financial products to banks as a subscription. I got this idea from my cable company. Then you charge outrageous fees. Like after 6 months, just bump up the monthly bill by $30. For those who notice, give them a deal to bring it down. For those who don’t, bump it another $30. Keep making up crap to call it like, “Trial Period Ended,” and “Additional services.” Every time they call to ask a question, it’s a processing fee. Plus the annual fee, the APR, various service fees, taxes… I bet you could put a fee down as “protection fee to the Italian Mob” and like 45% of the banks wouldn’t notice, and then 25% of the ones who do aren’t sure to question it. So inevitably, your $30 subscription could turn into $300 a month. Taxes and exclusions may apply.
Smuggle Drugs Legally
If you really want to deal drugs, let’s go big or go home and smuggle it in. First we need plastic pill capsules to fill with cocaine. Then we give it a name. Like Adderall, but that’s already taken. Then to start, we could market it as an All Natural Herbal Supplement. Coca Leaves. And get it FDA approved so you need someone with money and someone who likes to suck dick to help fill out applications. Just say it’s an all natural homeopathic way to treat ADHD and Narcolepsy. But you’ll bank to get it approved as a prescription drug so the government and private insurance companies will pay for it. Think about it. The government will pay for the drugs and pay the drug dealers (doctors same thing). All you gotta do is bring the supply in capsules and label it as directed. Don’t forget to patent it.