Writer's Portfolio

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Places I’m Published

Motherhood | Unfiltered Gibberish

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"I will always love irony. Irony is a way to truly feel God's laughter."

Books I'm In

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Cover of the book Lose the Cape, Never Will I Ever (and then I had kids!). Light blue background featuring an illustration of a mom in pink with her hair down, eyes wide, mouth agape, like WAH? like WTF! In shock. But also hinting misery. 2 distinct lines under the eyes implies BAGS under the eyes. Behind her is the back heads of 3 children sitting with their legs crossed watching a giant TV that says, "Pinky Pig Marathon" in pink and purple. The younger kid is throwing popcorn in the air. The front older kid is using the remote. The back kid is sitting quietly with a bag of chips spilled everywhere and a drink. The bottom is a pink box with text in blue, "Edited by Alexa Bigwarfe and Kerry Rivera."

The Dirty Bottle Under the Bed

Television shows about perfect families in black and white were later replaced with full color versions of dysfunction. Roseanne Barr basically came crashing through the Leave it to Beaver threshold like the KoolAid Man and added reality checks like working moms, cheap dinners, nagging grandmothers, lazy husbands, and ungrateful, hateful teenagers who make bad life decisions.

Cover of the book Angel Bumps, Hello from Heaven. Compiled by Anne Bardsley. Background features a painting of an angel wearing a white dress with white wings, long brown hair, faceless, a yellow glow emanating from her body, and a blue background, with lots of purples and reds emanating from the angel. Title Text is white. Author text is at the bottom, pink, on a white transparent background.

Her Love Shined Through

I almost missed my grandmother's story because I simply didn't listen well enough when she was alive. I didn't ask questions. I didn't get to know her beyond the woman who bought me a chocolate bar every time she went to get more beer, or the woman who stood up for me when the whole family was against me. Not while she was alive anyway. The most important things I could possibly learn about my grandmother, I learned from her ghost.

Book cover for Clash of the Couples. Top is a thin black box with white text, "From the editor of The Mother of All Meltdowns." Rest of the cover is a red background with a radial gradient to a white center. Dead center of the gradient is a photo of a naked man and woman sitting on a white bean bag or sofa, with all the privates conveniently covered by the way they are sitting and arms. The man is facing toward OUR right looking up at the sky with a sassy eye roll as he wears a crown of leaves and holding an apple. The woman is facing toward the left wearing only a dual pearl necklace, holding a giant stuffed serpent or snake, and smiling at it with an expressed look on her face. Some red flowers and leaves are sprinkled everywhere. Title is Clash in all caps, all black, sans serif. Of the in black serif. Couples in red, script, with an apple with a heart shaped bite sitting as the O in Couples. Then at the bottom, it says, "A humorous collection of completely absurd Lovers' Squabbles and Relationship Spats." Then in white text, "Written by some very brave men and women."

Chicken Drums Divorce Planning

I swear I can read his mind now on account of the fact that we have been married for almost ten years, and I get more mad at the things he’s thinking than what he says. Then he starts getting angry at the things he thinks I’m thinking about what he’s thinking. Basically, we have telepathic arguments, and they’re heated, raw, and uncut.

Places I'm Published

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black and white photo of dirty laundry piled up in a laundry basket on a pink background.

The Feat of Conquering Little Feet

Can you do anything being interrupted every 30 seconds? And sometimes the interruptions are simple like, “Can I shove this in my nose?” No. “But why?” Because I said so. “Ok. What about this?”

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photo of black and white christmas tree with silvery looking bulb ornaments on a pink background

Anybody Leave their Tree Up All Year Long? Anybody?

I have a confession to make. Someone call a priest, open up the grape vine, and let the PTA convene because this is gonna make at least one of those three drop their Bible and gasp…

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Black and white photo of a woman's mouth making a kiss face while sucking a portion of a rounded lollipop. ON a pink background.

How to Make Blow Jobs a Job That Doesn't Blow

We all know that bobbing the knob isn’t the most exciting thing for women to do with their lives, but it doesn’t have to suck. You do. But the job itself doesn’t have to. 
 
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Black and White photo of a black man with a beard and mustache wearing a black t-shirt on a pink background.

10 Ways White People Can Help Make Black Lives Matter

The #BlackLivesMatter movement is open to all races. It’s a tribe to end oppression and embrace equality. If you really believe in equality, then #BlackLivesMatters to you.

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Black and white photo of a soldier looking down where you can't see his face, but instead the top of his head cover, dressed in dessert camo, holding a possible M16, covered in a flak vest. All on a pink background.

22 Ways to Help Cope with PTSD + 1 Reason to Hope

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) kills an average of 22 veterans a day. Mission 22 is a collaborative effort of vets and organizations to help save veteran lives.

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Black and white emojis, a sad face, a happy face in focus, an angry face, a really sad face... on a pink background

12 Ways to Prevent Autistic Meltdowns

Avoiding the meltdown entirely and reducing meltdowns are the best working solutions, and they are often long-term goals that can’t be done overnight.
 
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Sorta Published

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My grandma's 10 Tips of Happiness, published in the NY Times after her death...