Clash of the Couples CoverClash of the Couples

This is an anthology of stories about interesting arguments people have had with their lovers. I wrote a chapter. I do not profit from the sale of this book. 

Coupledom. Fact or fable, Adam and Eve birthed the perpetual relationship drama as seen on TV today. Despite the serpents, this couple HAD IT MADE. Luxury real estate, lush gardens, and privacy out the yin-yang. Life was glorious until the bare-bottomed babe could no longer resist temptation. Despite her better half’s warnings and threats to sleep in a tree, she tasted the forbidden fruit. One bite of that seductive, juicy contraband, and the stage was set for eternity—a nibble that has blossomed into an endless supply of tiny tidbits that divide lovers to this day!

Taking a cue from the original naked explorers of authentic sin, Clash of the Couples is a hits-close-to-home anthology featuring a collection of completely absurd lovers’ squabbles and relationship spats. Think couples fight over kids, sex, and money? Think again! Furniture, the last beer, and where to store the placenta are what genuinely ignite our feuds. And no argument is off limits. This book has it all!

Inside you’ll find a gut-busting compilation of stories such as: “I Can’t Believe You Ate My Sandwich,” “Never Assume Anything,” “Only I Can Talk About Me,” and “You Want Some College Boobs?” from forty-six fearless writers. Prepare to laugh, roll your eyes, and shiver in suspense. While Eve may have had the first bite, we ate the whole tree. And made pies.

Chicken Drums Divorce Planning

pink quotesOne of the biggest bollockings my husband ever reaped was the day he said, early in our marriage, “You’ve gained weight. Other guys would have a problem with that, but I don’t. I still love you.” I was like, “Really? Don’t you dare come at me with the passive aggressive controlling shit like that ever again. Do you really think men wouldn’t be interested in me because I gained weight? As if you are the only person who will love me even when I’m fat?” I know he was being sincere, and really trying to give a real compliment because he really just has no game, but I’ve seen guys do this to my friends. It starts out with back-handed compliments like that geared to make a woman feel like he is the only man to be interested in her, and then it ends in an overly-controlling environment. I’m not saying my husband was trying to be a sociopath, nor that it would end up that way, but people only do to you what you allow them to do to you. This was a boundary that was important to me.

Men may think I’m a bitch, but I won’t be their bitch. And I do look like a bitch to my husband’s friends, and even worse, his family in Puerto Rico lost in 1950’s gender roles. But the fact of the matter is, if I don’t stand up for myself, who will?

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